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Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005

(1 thoughtful friend | are you thinking?)

Time:2:49 pm.
changed my mind again:
going to be in paris first semester next year, although i feel like i can't act too excited since i already gushed about going somewhere else, but i'm thrilled to let the truth be known
ski team is over, i need to relearn how to be a student.

Wednesday, February 9th, 2005

(5 thoughtful friends | are you thinking?)

Subject:FRANCE!
Time:12:04 pm.
Mood: relieved.
alright... so i just found out i was admitted to the Aix-en-Provence program for next year...
I have a weakness for European open air MARKETSCollapse )
The fact that i had a big smile on my face when i found out makes me feel optimistic.
I think i'm going to be in Provence this time next year... i think i think i think

Friday, February 4th, 2005

(are you thinking?)

Subject:harmonicas and bagpipes
Time:1:23 am.
Mood: content.
aftner nicole and i reached new hights... literally, we realized that we could not only play the harmonica, we could play it well, and play right along with all of "the piano man" yeah... we're just that goodCollapse )
then i took pictures with my
dylanposterCollapse )
nicole collaborated. we are big losers.

Thursday, January 27th, 2005

(13 thoughtful friends | are you thinking?)

Subject:haircut
Time:4:30 pm.
Mood:fresh.
me + scissors = NEWCollapse )



the narcissus in all of us...

Sunday, January 23rd, 2005

(are you thinking?)

Time:10:19 pm.
Mood:soft.
all i know is how i feel and how i feel is pretty good

Wednesday, January 19th, 2005

(are you thinking?)

Time:3:23 pm.
Mood:collegiate.
I wrote my first short story for creative writing class last night and it felt gooooood!
I'm very proud of it
I feel as though maybe, just maybe, i could actually be a successful writer in the future
ski team has eaten up my life and i no longer have friends, help! all i do is homework and sleep... god damn

Monday, January 17th, 2005

(are you thinking?)

Subject:spinning in place
Time:8:24 pm.
Mood:dreary.
i feel like one of theseCollapse ) today

Tuesday, January 11th, 2005

(2 thoughtful friends | are you thinking?)

Time:10:08 pm.
Mood:better.
clutching my bright orange beverage formally referred to as "vitaminwater"- a statement which implies healthy but is most likely far from the truth-i think i'm finally recovering from this weekend, break, life, slumps, and everything else that comes with being in a transitional state.
my classes are starting to take shape, some are entertaining, others stimulating, one so far boring
i think i'm waiting for a change, something in the distance that i have no way of understanding but i can still sense it
poem of the day:

Crumbling is not an instant's act
a fundamental pause
dilapidation's processes
are organized decays.

'Tis first a cobweb on the soul
a cuticle of dust
a borer in the axis
an elemental rust-

Ruin is formal-Devil's work
consecutive and slow-
fail in an instant- no man did
slipping- is crash's law.

Tuesday, December 14th, 2004

(1 thoughtful friend | are you thinking?)

Subject:SNOW
Time:1:36 am.
Mood: tired.
it snowed today

IT SNOWEDCollapse ) TODAY

i took pictures on my way out to study, this is my favorite

IT SMELLS LIKE WINTER ALREADY

Sunday, December 12th, 2004

(3 thoughtful friends | are you thinking?)

Subject:violent femmes
Time:1:32 pm.
Mood:melting.
last night nicole and i bummed around watching tv, but before that happened we listened to the violent femmes on full volume and then nicole put on my giant coat and pretended to MELT meltCollapse )

Saturday, December 11th, 2004

(3 thoughtful friends | are you thinking?)

Subject:so far so good
Time:12:45 pm.
Mood:SNOW.
as finals wind down my life is winding up:)
I went ice skating two nights ago with ashley and alexis and to my EXTREMELY excited surprise, Jocelin, Alex, and Jen showed up there too! so we skated around the rink holding hands and quietly yelling at couples. Then ashley tried to teach me how to skate backwards and i became obsessed with doing it although i never really got it right (oh well, that just means i'll have to go skating again!)
then yesterday was spent going to the grocery store and cooking a gargantuan hanukkah feast with ashley. we spent about 3 hours running around the kitchen and i must say, i was amazed by how difficult it was. we were trying to make 4 different things at once (kugel, latkes, cookies, and a salad) once we were in the thick of it i couldn't believe how focused i had to be, no time for anything but ingredients and instructions. crazy.
then 4 of her housemates (leah, jenny, jenna, alexis) and kate, jocelin, danielle, and nicole came over to eat the feast. i felt like someone in my early 20's. nicole brought a bottle of wine and danielle brought gingerbread, we all sat down and ate and talked and all that fun stuff, and i was overwhelmed by a sense of (prepare yourself for some CHEEEEESE) "warmth". from the outside looking in we probably looked very content, something i haven't felt in a long time.
so between yesterday and the day before, life has taken a huge turn for the better, and now kate tells me it's supposed to snow today... can things get any better????!!!!???

Tuesday, December 7th, 2004

(2 thoughtful friends | are you thinking?)

Subject:photos keep me sane
Time:6:24 pm.
Mood:warts.
The days have been rumbling by in a sea of boredom, exhaustion, and waste. I've taken to napping (a pastime that never used to interest me about becuase of a general abundance of energy was nearly impossible).
I found a kid who has over 500 dylan songs on his itunes so i got to work stealing some of the stuff i didn't have yesterday, that was exciting.
Today's project was printing off oversized versions of some of my favorite scenic pictures and putting them on my wall...
I want to perk up but it seems the the chemicals in my brain would rather be mopey bitches.
A change of pace, scenery, or just something stimulating would be nice but i feel a wee bit stuck. I want to ski, and i want to see the sun and more snow.

Thursday, December 2nd, 2004

(6 thoughtful friends | are you thinking?)

Subject:the schedule is complete
Time:2:45 pm.
Mood:classsssssssssssssssssssssssss.
ok, here it is... the schedule that will be the death of me:

English 239: What is lit?
English 240: What is poetry?
English 315: Women poets and feminist critics
RC Creative Writing Tutorial
French 235: Damn you LSA language department, damn you
RC French 351: Mireille's mini-course on how to live in france


It's going to be loads of fun, and for those of you who are my friends, i'll see you in 4 months when i am able to do something other than eat, sleep, and breathe class

Monday, November 29th, 2004

(2 thoughtful friends | are you thinking?)

Subject:GERD
Time:4:05 pm.
Mood:Gerdy.
In a paper writing frenzy i realized the reason why all my papers that i try to do ahead of their due date end up being pieces of crap... The ramifications of this realization are many... i just started writing about said ramifications and realized i was both pulling them out of my ass and was boring myself so no more of that.
I have Gerd (acid reflux/heartburn) and it's going to be the death of me, not only does any kind of food with the slightest bit of flavor irritate me, but the irritation has grown to be so bad that i can no longer ignore it, and i actually have to embark on an excruciatingly tasteless diet adjustment. I told my family i would rather die than not get to eat the food i enjoy. my sister thought she was being funny when she responded with "oh you are one of those who lives to eat"... if only she knew how right she was:(
So I sit here with a bag of pretzels, dreaming about burritos, french onion soup, the cheddar jack cheezits sari bought me and it's sad. but hey i suppose it could be worse, i could have finals coming up

Thursday, November 18th, 2004

(1 thoughtful friend | are you thinking?)

Subject:strangers scare me
Time:4:28 pm.
I'm very ready for a change of scenery. a bit bored, and feeling as though life is especially mundane... my walks home from class have become excruciating for some unknown reason, i spend the whole time feeling as though i am being watched/judged/deemed unworthy, a feeling i neither enjoy nor am accustomed to. seeing friendly faces among strangers helps, but then i feel suddenly clingy and very childish. I, however, am not too worried about this recent development and fully intent to write it off as a bout of insecurity.

As I fill out my applications for study abroad programs i become more and more excited, but i have to tell myself to focus and finish the more immediate crap i have to do, because, well, it's very easy to get distracted by PARIS.

My women's studies class spends so much time trying to show that sexuality is socially constructed, i find myself redefining my own ideas of sexuality based on my new knowledge---> the outcome being that I decide that I am socially constructed (and it becomes very difficult to separate me from my world) do I even exist? i'd like to think so but it just seems so intriguing to doubt it. After all, the people whose paths i only briefly cross in my life don't really exist in my realm of consciousness, if seeing is really believing, then i could (naively) logically assume that the world doesn't really exist outside of the things that i experience. but then... that isn't the case, and maybe i only feel that way because i don't watch TV, and i don't listen to the radio, and i don't read magazines. not that i regret any of this but yeah, maybe it's giving me a sense of unreality.

I want to go to the countryside/a forest/something so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes

for now i'll have to settle for thanksgiving dinner which will include one very large turkey and an idiotic holiday which i dislike more and more every year.

Thursday, November 11th, 2004

(2 thoughtful friends | are you thinking?)

Subject:deep chocolate pudding
Time:6:13 pm.
Mood:laughing.
i'm sorry but if there is one thing you can definitely eroticize it is deep chocolate pudding.

tonight at dinner as kate, nicole, and myself discussed life and food and boys, the conversation turned somehow to an imaginary model-like man wearing only a speedo (perhaps hiking boots) and carrying ski poles (obviously the sexy part of the outfit was the ski poles). as the meal continued we fantasized about backpacks and nalgene bottles and how these seemingly inanimate objects have actually taken on a sexuality all their own.

suddenly the conversation became both absurd and hilarious as i realized that my chocolate pudding was bubbling out of my mouth and nicole pointed out we were acting like old maids... soon enough the three of us entered into a very hysteric fit of laughter, a state we remained in for a good 5 minutes.

the fact that the individuals most likely to read this entry are nicole and kate must be addressed because i am writing it for posterity's sake, and because tonight reminded me of the moments i love so much

now... was that the front door or the back door?

Tuesday, November 9th, 2004

(1 thoughtful friend | are you thinking?)

Time:10:32 pm.
Mood:routine.
I am ready to shed this skin... -life bring me something new




if only it were that easy

Monday, November 8th, 2004

(5 thoughtful friends | are you thinking?)

Subject:the universe and all other things besides-
Time:10:58 am.
this weekend i went backpacking and it was a much needed break from reality.
walking through the forest (and oh what a forest it was) i found myself able to completely immerse myself in thought.
i didn't even feel the need for my thoughts to be important, i day dreamed about anything and everything and i just let my feet carry me along the winding path. the path itself was remarkable! it was lined with the greenest moss and covered with beautiful fall leaves, and the weather help up so that there was this beautiful glint of sunlight coming through the trees
on saturday night, we climbed up to the top of a dune and looked up at the stars for a long time. i saw the milky way and tried to figure out some constellations, then i resorted to pondering the difficulties of grasping the actual nature of the universe. I decided that i need to see the stars more regularly from now on... they operate as a reminder of sorts.
i have pictures too:
but i'll post them later cause i can't figure it out right now

Thursday, November 4th, 2004

(7 thoughtful friends | are you thinking?)

Subject:religious spaghetti-o's?
Time:11:48 am.
Mood:ranting.
I looked down at the can of star shapped organic spaghetti-o's i was in the process of eating at lunch time and i realized that they were little stars of david... this observation caught me off guard a)because i noticed it in the first place and b)because why the hell are my spaghetti-o's religious??
on the way back from class today, i was thinking about the next four years and i realized that i am most frightened about the increasingly blurred lines between religion and government... i mean shit, THERE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SEPERATION FOR A REASON!
the part that made me most upset is that i realized that when all the shit starts to hit the fan, i and all the other "dreamers" in this nation and perhaps world are going to be powerless. i thought about all the possible forms of protest but in the end, protest doesn't always work. so basically we just have to sit and wait until all those religious fundamentalists come up with some really great ideas! i'm sure they'll be great, after all... who needs real freedom when you can be told how to live your life? wow, i'm so glad that the weight of making moral decisions will soon be lifted from my shoulders

kate! maybe they'll even start teaching creationism in schools! ya know... if humans and chimps have 98% the same DNA and clouds and watermelon's are both made up of 98% water... does that mean that a cloud is a watermelon??
wow, true genious, what's that guys name again? he might be teaching my children some day!

Monday, November 1st, 2004

(1 thoughtful friend | are you thinking?)

Subject:the silence is so loud
Time:12:09 pm.
well i'm back in ann arbor, and i can't seem to shake this feeling. there is so much to be excited for and to reflect on and all that but it all seems so distant and removed.
i have increased my musical intake to nearly every hour of the day... not that it wasn't rampant before but now i feel like i don't sit in silence... ever. i've always considered music as a form of silence, it cancels everything out and blocks the other more arbitrary sounds, but lately it feels like i am trying to hide from any form of utter quiet, what am i so afraid of?
i keep writing stories during class, it seems so much more productive, but then... maybe i'd be most productive if i listened in class and wrote the stories on my own time instead of spending that time doing stuff like this, hmmm

and i left my CD's in wisconsin, I'm a smarty!

LiveJournal for Blair.

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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.